“There’s hundreds of movie channels and hundreds of movies but not a decent one I’d want to watch,” my husband grumbles as he gets ready to use the treadmill. (Of course, if he was OCD like his wife, there would be a queue of shows waiting on the DVR, but that’s a story for another day...)
His remark this morning echoed a conversation I had with a friend yesterday about the “empty diet” most people are trying to sustain themselves with in our modern world. In so many venues, we seem to have an endless amount of choices that leave us wanting...wanting more or wanting more substance?
The sight of so many people consuming food or drink constantly in public often takes me back. I am the oldest of eight children, and in our family, you didn’t snack unless it was a special occasion, and we just didn’t have soda around at all. I’m sure that it was mainly an economic practicality, can you imagine how many bottles of Coke eight kids would guzzle if they could? We had “treats” for very big entertainment events, like the yearly viewing of “Wizard of Oz” or “Sound of Music”...yes, that’s right, you just couldn’t rewind the VCR tape because they didn’t exist yet, so we had to wait until one of the three networks showed the film annually. You waited to talk until during the commercials, because, again, YOU JUST COULDN’T REWIND THE TAPE.
You had to pay attention. You had to be in the moment. You wouldn’t want to be, say, texting, because then you’d have to wait another year to see the Cowardly Lion chewing on his tail.
And our treat during this special event? One of those snack size bags of Fritos or Lays. My mother would hand them out (during a commercial) and then you’d try to make the salty snack last as long as possible...quietly, of course!
My children think the stories of LaManna rituals are very quaint, but they also look forward to many annual rituals, and at the holidays their favorite time is our Christmas Eve gathering at Uncle David’s and Aunt Jan’s home for the DiCaro food extravaganza. Our get-together is nourishing to me, too, and not just because my brother-in-law makes a lobster bisque to die for. The brightly wrapped packages we give and receive fade and blend together from year to year...what stays with me are the laughs and remembrances of Christmas past. There are loved ones we miss who we keep with us with repeated stories. My heart warms as a deep laughs come up from my belly as someone recounts the Christmas Eve our Basset Hound got into John’s glass of bourbon and we tried to hear the vet over the phone as the nieces cranked up their new karaoke machine.
Bruce Springsteen sings “Everybody has a hungry heart”...to me, our hungry hearts are our authentic selves, our souls yearning for real nourishment, real relationships, real experiences. Filling ourselves with the plethora of entertainment options—whether they are mindless electronic pastimes or the endless shopping opportunities—is about as satisfying as a super-size serving of fries chased down with a vat of Cocoa-Cola. I feel like making some New Year’s resolutions a little bit early...this season I’d like to hug my love ones a little bit longer, be more present in my conversations and listen to others more closely, read a good book that makes me think about new ideas, and look for every opportunity to laugh out loud. And well, yes, I am going to have a big bowl of that lobster bisque!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
How can we honor Ron LaRocca?
A jagged giant hole has been ripped in the Gates Chili community this week by the death of Ron LaRocca. Besides the shock of such a sudden and unexpected loss, I believe our stunned reactions include the knowledge that Ron was truly one of a kind and always there for us, something that I now sadly realize we took for granted.
I knew Ron as a parent volunteer: Mr. Sports Booster and the driving force behind revitalizing the Middle School PTO. But those roles don’t begin to describe what made Ron special to so many of us.
I believe that Ron was the kind of person who was easier to find in generations past in small towns across America...before the culture of self-important busyness became ingrained into our middle-class suburban identities. Generous is the first adjective that comes to my mind when I begin to describe Ron. He was never too busy to share himself with his community, even if it was just to give you a warm greeting or quick joke.
His sense of humor was another of his great assets. Ron was an ordinary normal guy with extraordinary leadership abilities. I think he was so successful in his endeavors at Gates Chili because he didn’t have to twist anyone’s arm to get them to come along and help...volunteering with Ron was like play, you knew you would have some laughs along the way.
Right now our duty as a community is to support and reach out to Ron’s family and close friends in all of the ways we can be there for them in their bereavement.
Over time, as our heads clear, I hope that our community can honor Ron’s legacy through our actions, remembering some of the crucial lessons he taught us:
1. Family is what it’s all about.
2. Show up when you say you’re going to show up.
3. Don’t just talk about it, get the job done.
4. Work hard, but don’t forget to laugh at yourself, too.
5. It’s not all about you, just get the job done. (see #3)
If we can live the rest of our time that is being given to us with half of the generous spirit and commitment that Ron showed us, wouldn’t that be truly a life to be proud of?
I knew Ron as a parent volunteer: Mr. Sports Booster and the driving force behind revitalizing the Middle School PTO. But those roles don’t begin to describe what made Ron special to so many of us.
I believe that Ron was the kind of person who was easier to find in generations past in small towns across America...before the culture of self-important busyness became ingrained into our middle-class suburban identities. Generous is the first adjective that comes to my mind when I begin to describe Ron. He was never too busy to share himself with his community, even if it was just to give you a warm greeting or quick joke.
His sense of humor was another of his great assets. Ron was an ordinary normal guy with extraordinary leadership abilities. I think he was so successful in his endeavors at Gates Chili because he didn’t have to twist anyone’s arm to get them to come along and help...volunteering with Ron was like play, you knew you would have some laughs along the way.
Right now our duty as a community is to support and reach out to Ron’s family and close friends in all of the ways we can be there for them in their bereavement.
Over time, as our heads clear, I hope that our community can honor Ron’s legacy through our actions, remembering some of the crucial lessons he taught us:
1. Family is what it’s all about.
2. Show up when you say you’re going to show up.
3. Don’t just talk about it, get the job done.
4. Work hard, but don’t forget to laugh at yourself, too.
5. It’s not all about you, just get the job done. (see #3)
If we can live the rest of our time that is being given to us with half of the generous spirit and commitment that Ron showed us, wouldn’t that be truly a life to be proud of?
Friday, December 10, 2010
Of Kardashians and intimacy
This past Sunday's NY Times featured one of their special style magazines, always a reason for another cup of Sunday coffee. I turned the pages to find an article on a phenomenon that is difficult for me to comprehend...the Kardashian clan.
I first noticed pictures of Kim or Kourtney or Khloe Kardashian in the snarky style blogs that are one of my guilty pleasures...and as in the case of many young celebrities, I thought, "Who the hell is that?" but didn't give it much thought, because a) it's hard to keep up with all these "celebrities" if you only watch all the Law and Orders and Mad Men while you're on your treadmil, and b) I wasn't particularly interested in their style...calling it "style" is pretty much using the term as loosely and irresponsibly as I will allow myself to do without changing the word to "trashy overdone drag queen-esque costuming but without the sense of humor".
Oh, that's a phrase, not a word, sorry for that...anyway, the first time that I became aware of who the Kardashians were and why they were famous was when I wandered into our family room (which I usually only do when I am going to try to tidy it, which is very painful, so I pretty much avoid that zone of the house) and found my children watching a show in which the young adult son told his mother that she was so hungry because she's been "boning too much". I believe my mouth dropped open and then I was frozen in place, which is what must happen to most of America, because I kept watching. Later the same young man had an ice pack on his private area because he had an erection that wouldn't go away. I asked my kids what was the name of this show? "Keeping up with the Kardashians" was the answer. I told them that instead of watching the show, they could get straws from the kitchen, have someone stick it in their ear and suck their brains out.
I knew that my definition of a civilized era was indeed coming to a crashing end when my 75 year old mother-in-law started giving me a blow-by-blow of what Khloe Kardashian was hawking on QVC that day.
I wondered what angle the NY Times would be coming at the Kardashian clan...the article started with a Brady-bunch like wall of squares with pictures of all the players. (My husband was the person who broke it to me that that was indeed Bruce Jenner, one of our heroes of the seventies, who is the aged stiff Ken doll patriarch of the house...try not to look directly at him, you could hurt your eyes.)
I found the article very well written, and when tackling the question of "why?" (do they exist as celebrities, do we watch them and buy the books and magazines), the author did bring up the obvious superiority based addictive effect of most reality television. (Guess the self-esteem movement didn't work as planned, since we need so many of these shows to make us feel better!) I have been haunted by one idea that the author proposed about the show's popularity:
"Strange as it may seem, we end up feeling closer to the Kardashians in some way than we do to our own families at home, where emotions may be kept more tamped down and the bathroom door locked."
As sad as it made me feel, I think this author is on to something...not only with respect to the Kardashians but with the way social networking is changing our communication. I love Facebook but I am constantly shocked at some of the status statements that are posted...statements that some may comment "TMI" but I say, why wouldn't you call your friend (or sister or mother or therapist) and talk about that! Is intimacy being re-defined? Or is part of the addiction of "Keeping up with the Kardashians" that the viewer can feel a version of being intimate, knowing the details of someone's everyday life, without the usual responsibility of someone dear entrusting you with their reality, warts and all?
I first noticed pictures of Kim or Kourtney or Khloe Kardashian in the snarky style blogs that are one of my guilty pleasures...and as in the case of many young celebrities, I thought, "Who the hell is that?" but didn't give it much thought, because a) it's hard to keep up with all these "celebrities" if you only watch all the Law and Orders and Mad Men while you're on your treadmil, and b) I wasn't particularly interested in their style...calling it "style" is pretty much using the term as loosely and irresponsibly as I will allow myself to do without changing the word to "trashy overdone drag queen-esque costuming but without the sense of humor".
Oh, that's a phrase, not a word, sorry for that...anyway, the first time that I became aware of who the Kardashians were and why they were famous was when I wandered into our family room (which I usually only do when I am going to try to tidy it, which is very painful, so I pretty much avoid that zone of the house) and found my children watching a show in which the young adult son told his mother that she was so hungry because she's been "boning too much". I believe my mouth dropped open and then I was frozen in place, which is what must happen to most of America, because I kept watching. Later the same young man had an ice pack on his private area because he had an erection that wouldn't go away. I asked my kids what was the name of this show? "Keeping up with the Kardashians" was the answer. I told them that instead of watching the show, they could get straws from the kitchen, have someone stick it in their ear and suck their brains out.
I knew that my definition of a civilized era was indeed coming to a crashing end when my 75 year old mother-in-law started giving me a blow-by-blow of what Khloe Kardashian was hawking on QVC that day.
I wondered what angle the NY Times would be coming at the Kardashian clan...the article started with a Brady-bunch like wall of squares with pictures of all the players. (My husband was the person who broke it to me that that was indeed Bruce Jenner, one of our heroes of the seventies, who is the aged stiff Ken doll patriarch of the house...try not to look directly at him, you could hurt your eyes.)
I found the article very well written, and when tackling the question of "why?" (do they exist as celebrities, do we watch them and buy the books and magazines), the author did bring up the obvious superiority based addictive effect of most reality television. (Guess the self-esteem movement didn't work as planned, since we need so many of these shows to make us feel better!) I have been haunted by one idea that the author proposed about the show's popularity:
"Strange as it may seem, we end up feeling closer to the Kardashians in some way than we do to our own families at home, where emotions may be kept more tamped down and the bathroom door locked."
As sad as it made me feel, I think this author is on to something...not only with respect to the Kardashians but with the way social networking is changing our communication. I love Facebook but I am constantly shocked at some of the status statements that are posted...statements that some may comment "TMI" but I say, why wouldn't you call your friend (or sister or mother or therapist) and talk about that! Is intimacy being re-defined? Or is part of the addiction of "Keeping up with the Kardashians" that the viewer can feel a version of being intimate, knowing the details of someone's everyday life, without the usual responsibility of someone dear entrusting you with their reality, warts and all?
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